Truth IS stranger than fiction...


Here are some highlights of ER admissions to Chicago 
General over the past year:

- A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after 
an attempted suicide.  The man had swallowed several 
nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka.  When asked 
about the bruises about his head and chest he said 
that they were from him ramming himself into the wall 
in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode.


- A woman with shortness of breath and who weighed 
approximately 500 lbs was dragged into the ER on a 
tarp by six firemen.  While trying to undress the lady, 
an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the folds under
her arm.  After an X-ray showed a round mass on the 
left side of her chest her massive left breast was 
lifted to find a shiny new dime. And last, but not 
least-- during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was
discovered in one of the folds of her crotch. She 
became known as "The Human Couch".


- The most nonemergent ER visit:  A male adolescent 
came in at 2 a.m. with a complaint of belly button lint.


- A 15-year old boy was laying on a stretcher with his 
mother sitting next to him.  The boy was coming down 
from "crank" (methamphetamine) that he had injected 
into his veins with needles he had been sharing with 
his friends.  Concerned about this the doctor asked 
the boy if there was anything he might have been doing 
that put him at risk for AIDS.  The boy thought for a 
while then said questioningly "You mean like having sex 
with our dog?"


- A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER.  
She said that she and her boyfriend were having sex and 
the condom came off and she wasn't able to retrieve it 
with her fingers.  She went to the bathroom and "gagged 
myself to vomit but couldn't vomit it up either."