Application for Permission to Date My Daughter 

Note: This application will be considered incomplete and 
will be rejected unless it is accompanied by a complete 
financial statement, job history, lineage, and current 
medical report from your doctor.



  1.Name: 
  2.Date of Birth: 
  3.Height: 
  4.Weight: 
  5.I.Q. 
  6.G.P.A. 
  7.Drivers License # 
  8.Social Security # 
  9.Highest Boy Scout Rank: 
 10.Home Address: 

 11.If you have two parents, do you have one MALE and 
one FEMALE parent? If no, explain:
 
 12.Number of years parents married:
 
 13.Do you possess:     A van?     A truck with oversize 
tires?     A waterbed?     A tattoo?     A ring in any 
body part?
     A yes answer requires that you discontinue filling 
out this form and depart the premises while you are still 
able to do so under your own power.

 14.In ten words or less, what does "Late" mean to you?
 
 15.In ten words or less, what does "Don't touch my daughter" 
mean to you? 

 16.In two words or less, what does "Abstinence" mean to you? 
 17.Church you attend: 
 18.Frequency of attendance? 
 19.When is the most convenient time to interview your parents 
and minister? 

Answer the following: (Please answer freely, your answers 
are confidential. That means I won't tell anyone, ever. 
I promise!) 

     If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want 
to be wounded would be: 

     If I were beaten, the last bone I would want to be broken 
would be: 
     A womans place is in the: 

     The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask me is:
 
     When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice first about 
her is: 
     Note: If answer begins with the letters "T" or "A", leave 
the premises immediately. (Keeping low, dodging, and moving fast 
are advised)

     What I want to be IF I grow up: 

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT 
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DISMEMBERMENT, 
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, 
CHINESE WATER TORTURE, REDHOT POKERS, HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE,
AND DEATH. 

SIGNATURE: (That means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four 
to six years for processing.  You will be notified in writing 
if you approved.  Do not call or write. When your application 
is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white 
ties and carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).